Comments on: Musician Jokes http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/ Random things that interest me that I may want to remember later. Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:41:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: ayenack http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-399 ayenack Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:17:09 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-399 <p>Thought you might appreciate humor ;)</p> Thought you might appreciate humor ;)

]]> By: matthew http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-386 matthew Sat, 08 Mar 2008 10:08:07 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-386 <p>ayenack: LOL! :)</p> ayenack: LOL! :)

]]> By: ayenack http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-384 ayenack Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:27:32 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-384 <p>In defense of all us talented and erudite DRUMMERS and to stick it to you bloody guitar hero's I've got a couple for you.<br /> <br /> Q - What's the best sound you can make with a guitar?<br /> A - A splash.<br /> <br /> Q - How many guitar players does it take to wallpaper a room?<br /> A - Three, if you slice them thin enough.<br /> <br /> Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?<br /> A - One matures.<br /> <br /> Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?<br /> A - Evidently all of them.<br /> <br /> Q - What is the definition of a minor second?<br /> A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison.<br /> <br /> Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?<br /> A - Put sheet music in front of him.<br /> Q - How do you make him stop?<br /> A - Put notes on it.<br /> <br /> Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?<br /> A - His amplifier.<br /> <br /> And finally especially for you Matthew.<br /> <br /> Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?<br /> A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.</p> In defense of all us talented and erudite DRUMMERS and to stick it to you bloody guitar hero’s I’ve got a couple for you.

Q - What’s the best sound you can make with a guitar?
A - A splash.

Q - How many guitar players does it take to wallpaper a room?
A - Three, if you slice them thin enough.

Q - What’s the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.

Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.

Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put sheet music in front of him.
Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.

And finally especially for you Matthew.

Q - What’s black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

]]> By: Ondergard http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-383 Ondergard Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:22:14 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-383 <p>What do you do if, driving home one dark night, you run over a viola player who is crossing the road?<br /> <br /> .... stop and throw the gearstick into reverse to make sure you got the bastard!</p> What do you do if, driving home one dark night, you run over a viola player who is crossing the road?

…. stop and throw the gearstick into reverse to make sure you got the bastard!

]]> By: Trombone Player http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-378 Trombone Player Thu, 06 Mar 2008 03:59:10 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-378 <p>How do you turn a trombone into a french horn?<br /> Put your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.<br /> <br /> How do you turn a french horn into a trombone?<br /> Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.</p> How do you turn a trombone into a french horn?
Put your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.

How do you turn a french horn into a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.

]]> By: Mauk http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-377 Mauk Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:27:13 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-377 <p>What does a jazz player do when he wins one million dollars (or euro's)?<br /> <br /> He plays gigs until he spent it all...</p> What does a jazz player do when he wins one million dollars (or euro’s)?

He plays gigs until he spent it all…

]]> By: JA http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-376 JA Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:53:07 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-376 <p>Of course the banjo joke had to come out at the top of the list. What is it about banjos that makes them such a rich target for ridicule? I wrote a whole <a href="<a href="http://www.sancairodicopenhagen.com/tbpmd.html">NOVEL</a>" title="http://www.sancairodicopenhagen.com/tbpmd.html">NOVEL</a>" rel="nofollow">www.sancairodicopenhagen....</a> ridiculing banjo players!</p> Of course the banjo joke had to come out at the top of the list. What is it about banjos that makes them such a rich target for ridicule? I wrote a whole <a href="http://www.sancairodicopenhagen…. ridiculing banjo players!

]]> By: No' http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-375 No' Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:18:56 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-375 <p>Q. How many rock players to change a light bulb?<br /> A. One... Two... One Two Three Four!</p> Q. How many rock players to change a light bulb?
A. One… Two… One Two Three Four!

]]> By: Psalmist http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-374 Psalmist Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:51:46 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-374 <p>Laughed more than was good for me -- thanks for posting these! Here are a few from my days as an instrumentalist:<br /> <br /> <br /> What's the difference between a dead snake and a dead conductor in the middle of the road?<br /> <br /> There are skid marks in front of the snake.<br /> . . .<br /> <br /> What's the definition of a minor second?<br /> <br /> Two oboists playing in unison.<br /> . . .<br /> <br /> What do you call a crappy violinist?<br /> <br /> A violist.<br /> . . .<br /> <br /> What do you do with a drummer who has no sense of rhythm?<br /> <br /> Take away one stick and make him a conductor. <br /> . . .<br /> <br /> What's the difference between a conductor and a copper wire?<br /> <br /> The wire can at least conduct electricity.<br /> . . .<br /> <br /> How do you drive a drummer crazy?<br /> <br /> Put a piece of music in front of him.<br /> . . .<br /> <br /> What's bigger than a hornist's ego?<br /> <br /> We may never know...</p> Laughed more than was good for me — thanks for posting these! Here are a few from my days as an instrumentalist:

What’s the difference between a dead snake and a dead conductor in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.
. . .

What’s the definition of a minor second?

Two oboists playing in unison.
. . .

What do you call a crappy violinist?

A violist.
. . .

What do you do with a drummer who has no sense of rhythm?

Take away one stick and make him a conductor.
. . .

What’s the difference between a conductor and a copper wire?

The wire can at least conduct electricity.
. . .

How do you drive a drummer crazy?

Put a piece of music in front of him.
. . .

What’s bigger than a hornist’s ego?

We may never know…

]]> By: vorian http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-373 vorian Tue, 04 Mar 2008 23:42:42 +0000 http://matthewhelmke.net/wordpress/2008/03/04/musician-jokes/#comment-373 <p>dude! that banjo one hurts!!<br /> <br /> /me cries</p> dude! that banjo one hurts!!

/me cries

]]>